It’s been over a week since our last Travelogues update. What the hell has that Mike Connor been up to? Sleeping? Shopping? Parasitic infestations? Your guess is as good as ours. Luckily, Mike is texting PJI-PDA/S* Alexis Simpson with all the dirty deeds he’s doing dirt cheap.

We bet there are no fewer than 100 albums in this store with the name “Mike” on the cover. WHO’S GAME?!?

9/15/2009

[1:45:07 AM] As tony bennet sang: “i left my pedometer in san francisco”

[2:27:36 AM] I think my hostel had bed bugs. I woke up with bites all over my body. Sexy leper styles.

IT’S BEAN-TOWN, BABY!

[2:39:18 PM] 3 days of breathing in my cousins house in boston is not unlike three days of breathing on the surface of venus. She smokes a lot. My lungs hurt.

[5:06:12 PM] Just had a sighting of a Vick jersey up here in boston. Thats those puritan dogfighters for ya.

[5:38:33 PM] Im at the bar at the top of the prudential building. Fancy schmancy. I shouldnt be allowed in here. Some economic jim crow law should kick in. No poor folks!

PITTSBURGH/WEST VA/NEW ORLEANS, AKA THE CONTINENTAL US TRIFECTA

9/18/2009

[5:26:35 PM] Made it to Pittsburgh. Waitin on my ride to west virginia. If one more person starts singing “country roads”…We get it. The song mentions the state.

One of them country roads John Denver was always prattling on about.

9/20/2009

[9:37:49 AM] Sittin in the pittsburgh airport. Goin on 2 hours of sleep. Whose idea was it to stay up til 330? New orleans, get ready for a weary traveler.

[12:36:16 PM] Tryin to get a nap during a layover in nyc airport. Some fuckin kid tried to open the jetway door at this gate & it set out this loud ass alarm. Fuckin kids.

[5:16:09 PM] Just landed in the big easy. Gonna take some revenge for what the saints did to our eagles.

[6:24:24 PM] Dude n’awlins is hot. Like stinkin hot. Like really stinkin. Maybe i should cool off with a dip in the gulf.

Tune in next time as Mike hopes for more frequent boobie sightings. We all pray that you will, Mike. We all pray that you will.

*Philadelphia Joke Initiative Producing Artistic Director/Superman, of course.