Mike’s next stop is in New Orleans, where he’s privy to fine jazz, alligator meat, and gorgeous scenes like these:

In New Orleans, all roads lead to… PARTY TOWN!!!

Let’s see what Mike’s up to now, shall we?

9/21/2009

[2:16:58] Talk about friendly. If you tell a new orleanian you’re a tourist be prepared for 3 hours of tips on where to go. Cafe du monde: great. Bourbon street: eh

[3:00:20 PM] Don’t know whats better: powerade after a jog along the bayou or this fat alligator sausage. Air conditioning trumps them both.

[8:02:41 PM] Im on bourbon street. Just walked by three cops while holding an open container. They smiled & nodded. Fuckin n’awlins.

[8:53:03 PM] Bourbon street… Live jazz… Cold beer… So much pleasure… Ahhhh

[10:55:02 PM] The douchebag in me is disapponted by the lack of tits ive seen on bourbon street. But the asshole in me is slowly getting wasted.

A blurry party is a good party.

9/22/2009

[6:05:20 PM] Ive heard beer before liquor, never been sicker. How bout beer before food?

[6:12:59 PM] Dale earnhardt jr. Is doin life insurance commercials with old pictures of his dad in them. I guess, if youre dad dies, you may as well profit off it.

[6:40:33 PM] A nice joplin rag played on a caliope. I fuckin love new orleans.

[6:56:14 PM] So in new orleans coffee, cream, and doughnuts is called cafe au lait and beignets.

A cafe au lait and beignets.

[8:26:30 PM] “New Orleans: we put the FUN in funeral”     best bumper sticker ever

[9:24:33 PM] Walked into a random bar. A random band was playing. They rocked “when the saints go marchin in.” As the bible says “make a joyful noise” thats joyful as crap.

[10:51:10 PM] I actually came to new orleans and have to listen to a band cover “isnt it ironic”. Jesus fuckin ballsack

9/23/2009

[4:10:05 PM] Wow. Dont trust new orleans taxi drivers. Fuckin ripoff artists. Now im fuckin stranded.

[6:10:36 PM] Im standing on a levee

[6:21:01 PM] No lie. The street that runs parallel to the levees is called Leake Street. Aptly named

9/24/2009

[12:40:11 AM] Holy shit. Katrina is the saddest shit ever. Everyone down here has a story. Each one is more devastating than the next. Im on a street car ready to cry.

[10:20:01 AM] Tryin to sleep at the airport but a crying baby woke me up. Add insult to injury, its the ugliest goddamn baby ive ever seen.

That’s all she wrote! Next time: Mike pays a visit to Seattle’s Skid Row.

It’s been over a week since our last Travelogues update. What the hell has that Mike Connor been up to? Sleeping? Shopping? Parasitic infestations? Your guess is as good as ours. Luckily, Mike is texting PJI-PDA/S* Alexis Simpson with all the dirty deeds he’s doing dirt cheap.

We bet there are no fewer than 100 albums in this store with the name “Mike” on the cover. WHO’S GAME?!?

9/15/2009

[1:45:07 AM] As tony bennet sang: “i left my pedometer in san francisco”

[2:27:36 AM] I think my hostel had bed bugs. I woke up with bites all over my body. Sexy leper styles.

IT’S BEAN-TOWN, BABY!

[2:39:18 PM] 3 days of breathing in my cousins house in boston is not unlike three days of breathing on the surface of venus. She smokes a lot. My lungs hurt.

[5:06:12 PM] Just had a sighting of a Vick jersey up here in boston. Thats those puritan dogfighters for ya.

[5:38:33 PM] Im at the bar at the top of the prudential building. Fancy schmancy. I shouldnt be allowed in here. Some economic jim crow law should kick in. No poor folks!

PITTSBURGH/WEST VA/NEW ORLEANS, AKA THE CONTINENTAL US TRIFECTA

9/18/2009

[5:26:35 PM] Made it to Pittsburgh. Waitin on my ride to west virginia. If one more person starts singing “country roads”…We get it. The song mentions the state.

One of them country roads John Denver was always prattling on about.

9/20/2009

[9:37:49 AM] Sittin in the pittsburgh airport. Goin on 2 hours of sleep. Whose idea was it to stay up til 330? New orleans, get ready for a weary traveler.

[12:36:16 PM] Tryin to get a nap during a layover in nyc airport. Some fuckin kid tried to open the jetway door at this gate & it set out this loud ass alarm. Fuckin kids.

[5:16:09 PM] Just landed in the big easy. Gonna take some revenge for what the saints did to our eagles.

[6:24:24 PM] Dude n’awlins is hot. Like stinkin hot. Like really stinkin. Maybe i should cool off with a dip in the gulf.

Tune in next time as Mike hopes for more frequent boobie sightings. We all pray that you will, Mike. We all pray that you will.

*Philadelphia Joke Initiative Producing Artistic Director/Superman, of course.